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The Mother In-law (sorta)

The law of the sea.

The Mother In-law (sorta)

Postby jerah » Fri Nov 25, 2016 11:36 am

Ok here is my question, I have been with the same guy for the past 10 months and love him very much, The fact that I thought about asking for his hand is a huge deal for me but that's not the point. My thing is with his mom, she is a control freak and wants everything to go her way of the highway. He had told me in the beginning that she was controlling but I never thought it was to this extent. Like last night she screamed for him to go see her in the living room while we were talking on MSN as that's the only way that we get to talk during the week he is not at my house but anyway, he told me I will be back online in a bit will you be on? and I said yes I will wait for you to get back on, Well after waiting until midnight and keep in mind that I have to get up at 5 am to go to work, I said the heck with this I am going to bed. I just talked to him on MSN and well him mom told him to turn "HIS" laptop that HE paid for off that he was not to talk to me that she wanted him to watch TV with them. He asked if he could just come online to let me know and she said no that I could wait, and well like I said after 12 I went to bed and that was it. There are allot of nights where they freak out and he has no choice but to deal with it and I in the end pay for it too. The guy is 23 I say let him live his life but I can't say that, What can I do to make him realize that his mom is a total B**** and that I am not going to deal with more of this crap? HELP!!!
jerah
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Wed Feb 13, 2013 7:29 pm

The Mother In-law (sorta)

Postby Demond » Sat Nov 26, 2016 1:55 pm

Ah man, do I feel for you.  Been in a similar situation, but not to the point where you are at.

I hate to break it to you, but she's here to stay.  We can only all hope that things will change for the best once he gets out from under her roof.

So long as he's living with Mom and/or he gives into her, this behavior will continue.  He either needs to be able to draw clear boundaries with her, which may be incredibly difficult since he's dealing with 23 years of programming.

If and when he moves out, he may have a little more control as she won't be in his space 24/7. She'll play the guilt card and try to make him miserable from a distance.  

If you guys do move in together, be sure that she doesn't have a key to the place!  

In the meantime, the best that you can do is talk to your lover.  Be very careful.  Even though he knows she's in the wrong, she's still his mom and he may stick up for her.  I'd approach it from the perspective that what happened last night wasn't okay with you and that it both frustrated you and hurt your feelings.  I can understand sitting down initially, but after 1/2 hour he should have said - "you know it's rude to keep Phil waiting any longer.  I'm going to say goodnight to him."

The best thing that you can do is come to terms with 2 things for your own peace of mind:  (1) the fact that no matter what you do - he's only going to see Mom as an uberb**** when he's ready.  No amount of outside reason will help. You'll only make yourself nuts.  (2) learn from last night and try not put yourself in the same situation.  

I wish you the best.

Regards,

Michael
Demond
 
Posts: 37
Joined: Thu Jan 16, 2014 8:44 pm

The Mother In-law (sorta)

Postby Bleddyn » Wed Nov 30, 2016 12:40 pm

Ok here is my question, I have been with the same guy for the past 10 months and love him very much, The fact that I thought about asking for his hand is a huge deal for me but that's not the point. My thing is with his mom, she is a control freak and wants everything to go her way of the highway. He had told me in the beginning that she was controlling but I never thought it was to this extent. Like last night she screamed for him to go see her in the living room while we were talking on MSN as that's the only way that we get to talk during the week he is not at my house but anyway, he told me I will be back online in a bit will you be on? and I said yes I will wait for you to get back on, Well after waiting until midnight and keep in mind that I have to get up at 5 am to go to work, I said the heck with this I am going to bed. I just talked to him on MSN and well him mom told him to turn "HIS" laptop that HE paid for off that he was not to talk to me that she wanted him to watch TV with them. He asked if he could just come online to let me know and she said no that I could wait, and well like I said after 12 I went to bed and that was it. There are allot of nights where they freak out and he has no choice but to deal with it and I in the end pay for it too. The guy is 23 I say let him live his life but I can't say that, What can I do to make him realize that his mom is a total B**** and that I am not going to deal with more of this crap? HELP!!!
Bleddyn
 
Posts: 30
Joined: Fri Mar 07, 2014 4:00 am


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