My college gives everyone that is subject to academic disqualification a chance to appeal. They ask for a 500-1000 word personal statement, so I am wondering if I should take out the "To whom this may concern" at the beginning and "sincerely" at the end of the personal statement. Please help me make grammatical corrections, and tell me if you think the content is convincing. Thank you very much.
To Whom It May Concern:
The primary reason I failed to receive satisfactory grades for the past two quarters was my poor emotional health. My constant feelings of hopelessness made it very hard for me to focus and remain motivated. Though I know this is not an excuse, I now realize that I should have reached out for the help I needed to prevent myself from getting the grades that I did. Ever since high school, I had been experiencing constant negative moods and thoughts, suffering from eating disorders, and a habit of excessive hand washing. Although I no longer suffer from eating disorders, I still excessively wash my hands, which is the cause of frequent daily distraction and distress. I didn’t get any help because I was embarrassed by the way I felt and the reasons that made me feel the way I did, one of these being a self-esteem issue that makes me feel constantly hopeless. Now that I have realized that my emotional health has the potential to interfere with my ability to perform academically, I will take action to get the help that I need. I have already made an appointment with the Student Health and Counseling Services on campus, will no longer let shyness and embarrassment prevent me from getting help, and will continue to receive professional treatment until I am seen as emotionally fit.
During the middle of the Fall quarter, I began to realize that Engineering is not a profession that suits me. Unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, I became goal-less, lost, and unmotivated. Consequently, my motivation to study dropped as I became less and less able to see myself as an Engineer. I know that was the wrong thing to do; I should have spoken with an academic adviser about my situation. Eventually, I found out that though the Engineering aspect of my major was not for me, I still had a passion for the general field of Biochemistry. I have decided that if I am allowed to continue my studies at UC Davis, I will change my major to Biochemistry, which is a major in which I am confident I will perform far better in, due to my interest in Biochemistry.
I realize that I have failed to meet minimum progress, and I will remedy by taking classes at my local community college this upcoming summer. I will take a few GE courses that are UC transferable and retake microeconomics, which I received an F in last quarter.
I really love being a student at UC Davis. It has been my dream university since my freshmen year of high school. Once I got here, all the great things about UC Davis- the friendly people, the atmosphere, the environment, the biking, the academia, the countless amounts of clubs, the diversity- made me love it even more. I really hope that I will get to continue my studies and receive a degree from UC Davis, which would make me the first person in my family to receive a college degree.
I hope you will give me one more chance to prove myself. I promise I will try my best to not only pass my classes but also get exceptional grades in my classes by getting help from the Student Health and Counseling Services, receiving academic tutoring, devoting more time to studying, start studying in quiet places, and developing good study habits.