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My Husband Will Not Defend Me!?

Family Law Discussion Forum

My Husband Will Not Defend Me!?

Postby chozai65 » Thu Dec 29, 2011 7:57 am

Here is just the overall jyst of what has happenend. Recently - it came out that my husband's family do not like me. The reasons being that they are saying I keep him from them. Keep in mind - my husband is a traveling musician and gone for nearly 8 months out of the year off and on and then does have November and December pretty much off - to which this is the time that he sort of gets his life back in order and ready for their next long run. Anyway - they told him that I'm driving a wedge between him and his family and how can he not see what I'm doing. Also keep in mind - they live 6 hours from us. I do nothing of the sort and apparently he's been the one telling them he's not coming home because "she doesn't want to be alone" - which oh my gosh I'm the most independent person in the world - I could literally care less if he went home to visit his family!! He is kind of using me as a scape goat. Which he has owned up too and told his family it's his fault he's made them feel this way about me. So - this all happened 2 weeks before Christmas. The first week - he got called and screamed at numerous times, emailed and ALL about me and how awful I am. These emails were simply full of defamation towards me. Literally disgusting words. I finally had had it - I emailed back and defended myself because my husband wasn't. I did see one of his emails in his account - to which they are saying that it's wrong I got in his email. To me - no it isn't. He is my husband - he gave me his password. What's mine is his and his is mine!!! Now they are saying - my email made it worse and now it's pretty much all my fault and do I not see what I've done is wrong! HE said "they are waiting for an apology" SERIOUSLY! WHEN THEY CAUSED THIS! My email was nothing but me defending myself and telling them - I absolutely do NOTHING they are accusing me of!!!! Then here is the kicker - they told my husband it would be too uncomfortable for everyone if I came home with him for Christmas to their house ... so where is he right now?! With his family and where am I!? Back in our home town - alone. He went without me - didn't say "no this is wrong, you don't want her at your house - then you don't want me!!!" To me ... we come as a unit - a package deal! You don't get one without the other. But he went! They dove into the presents that I BOUGHT for them out of love (before all this happened) and he texted me telling me they said "thank you" I wanted to puke. I can barely talk to him on the phone because I'm afraid I will just flip out on him. He has YET to talk about what they did and how it's wrong and they cannot treat him, me or US this way! He is there one more night - tonight, and I KNOW he will not say anything to them in fear that he might ruin his last night and make everyone angry. But he PROMISED me that he was going to go home and confront his mom and sister - his sister being the one that screamed at him so loud about me - that she made him cry. Maybe 2nd time ever I've seen him cry. What kind of sister does that to her brother - that she claims "loves more than anything". I just don't understand why he won't defend me. He has said the past 3 weeks this has been going on - that is he defending me - but if he was - then i would be at his families house WITH him .. not him wake up early day after Christmas so he could run home without me. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless. I love my husband but I can't be involved in a situation like this. To have in-laws that hate me and a husband that won't stick up for me and make them KNOW that what they did was wrong and everything they said was way out of line. To me ... by him going home and doing all this - he hasn't shown them that what they did was wrong. Now they know that they can yell at him anytime they want ... and it can be about his WIFE and he will do nothing to stand up for me. What do I do?! Keep in mind - we've been married a little over a year and this is already happening! HELP ME!
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Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 7:40 am

My Husband Will Not Defend Me!?

Postby egan » Thu Dec 29, 2011 8:01 am

Idk but it really doesn't make alot of sense that his family would be upset with you because "they think you keep him away from them" Are you sure you're not leaving out something or did something else happen to cause this hatred on you? I mean I think you guys must of had some type of relations before you got married, what happened?

Your marriage set up isn't exactly easy, eight months out of the year gone and you've only been married a year doens't suprise me that you are having problems.... You're going to have to wait till your husband comes home and really make it your business to find out what the family has problems with and discuss what problems you guys might be having for him not to defend you.

It may be possible that he is giving them false information about you and maybe doesn't want to be married after all so really find out what's going on in this really complex situation.
Posts: 51
Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 2:12 pm

My Husband Will Not Defend Me!?

Postby jen » Thu Dec 29, 2011 8:10 am

Take a deep breath. Hubby is the one that started all of this by using you as the excuse for not coming to visit him. Good that he owned up to it and that should have been the end of it. However, it didn't ended there. His family talked trash about you, creating drama where none was needed. Hubby was wrong to go to their house for X-Mas when they've made it clear that you're not welcomed. Hubby has made it clear where he stands. Now, you have to decide where you want to go from here. After things have calmed down, you can try to be the bigger person and extend the olive branch and ask if all of you can start all over again. Do not use his e-mail to respond to theirs. That was wrong. Period. It could be that hubby is subtly stating that he's not interested in the marriage anymore. Counseling is recommended here. Good luck.
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Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:11 am

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