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Mother In Law

Family Law Discussion Forum

Mother In Law

Postby Chizkiah » Wed Nov 30, 2016 4:08 pm

A few weeks back...at around 1:30 in the morning, my husband got a text on his cell phone while we were just dozing off to sleep. It was his mom, who lives on the other side of the country, informing him that she would be at our home in a few days and would be staying for a week. Since we were both tired at that time of night(or day), we let it go till the next morning. My husband went off to work and I went balistic. When my husband came home he asked what should I do about my mom? Well my lack of response to put it nicely let him know what I thought about the situation. He ended up calling her and telling her that NO she would NOT be arriving at our home anytime soon at all. When we decide to have company for a week we will let her know and it will be planned way ahead of time. She didnt see any problem with coming all the way across the country unannounced and staying for a week. She said "she knew her way around our home and we didnt need to show her where anything was". Turns out since she was not allowed to show up at our home unannounced, she let her other son know the previous evening that she would be at his home the following morning!!  Is this freakin rude or what?? I canNOT beleive she sees nothing wrong with this. We have lives, jobs, kids, routines, we may not have the money to FEED her for a week, spend any time with her, or have a spare room clean for her to stay in. She thought she could "stay on the couch"....right outside of our bedroom!!! My husband does not feel bad for telling her NOT to stop by our home, and I dont think he should either. This is OUR home, what gives her the right to think she can just invite herself and show up?? Is this rude and inconsiderate or are we over reacting?
Chizkiah
 
Posts: 41
Joined: Fri Jan 31, 2014 4:36 am

Mother In Law

Postby payton67 » Sat Dec 03, 2016 11:30 am

A few weeks back...at around 1:30 in the morning, my husband got a text on his cell phone while we were just dozing off to sleep. It was his mom, who lives on the other side of the country, informing him that she would be at our home in a few days and would be staying for a week. Since we were both tired at that time of night(or day), we let it go till the next morning. My husband went off to work and I went balistic. When my husband came home he asked what should I do about my mom? Well my lack of response to put it nicely let him know what I thought about the situation. He ended up calling her and telling her that NO she would NOT be arriving at our home anytime soon at all. When we decide to have company for a week we will let her know and it will be planned way ahead of time. She didnt see any problem with coming all the way across the country unannounced and staying for a week. She said "she knew her way around our home and we didnt need to show her where anything was". Turns out since she was not allowed to show up at our home unannounced, she let her other son know the previous evening that she would be at his home the following morning!!  Is this freakin rude or what?? I canNOT beleive she sees nothing wrong with this. We have lives, jobs, kids, routines, we may not have the money to FEED her for a week, spend any time with her, or have a spare room clean for her to stay in. She thought she could "stay on the couch"....right outside of our bedroom!!! My husband does not feel bad for telling her NOT to stop by our home, and I dont think he should either. This is OUR home, what gives her the right to think she can just invite herself and show up?? Is this rude and inconsiderate or are we over reacting?
payton67
 
Posts: 55
Joined: Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:20 am

Mother In Law

Postby Oscar » Tue Dec 06, 2016 9:04 am

Dear Celena:

An important etiquette rule is to make requests rather than give demands.  Your mother-in-law is demanding so I would agree, her behavior is rude.  It looks like your husband did the right thing in his response.  Just a thought, though... people who invite themselves to others' homes are usually lonely and feeling desperate.  Maybe you or your son could talk with her by phone more often so she feels part of the family more?  You certainly know what would be appropriate with her better than I would.

I hope this helps.

All the best,

Cynthia Lett

www.lettgroup.com
Oscar
 
Posts: 47
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2014 7:34 am


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