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Mother In Law Obsessed With My Son

Family Law Discussion Forum

Mother In Law Obsessed With My Son

Postby Aarao » Sun Dec 04, 2016 5:26 am

I will try to keep this as short as possable but there are so many parts to this problem I am having with my mother in law. To begin, my husband and I have been married for 6 years now, and have had our ups and downs, but delt with them through out the years. We have 2 boys, 5 and 2, and they are wonderful kids. However the problems began when we moved with in 4 hours of my mother in law, when my oldest son was almost two, she seemed so nice and doting, and began wanting to take him for days at a time. I resisted at first, but with pressure from my husband to have some "alone time" I gave in and let my son go for a week. He came back none the worse...so I thought I just had a really nice mother in law who really liked her grand child. I mean every time my husband and I went to visit she was always taking him over, and not letting me do anything for my son. Well then we hear rumour that strange things were going on between her and my son when my husband and I were not arround, like her telling him to call her "mom" insted of meemaw, and she and my father in law talking about how it would be nice to keep him, and how easy it would be to get to Mexico with him. Well I had no proof of this and the girl who told us did not have the best reputation for telling the truth so we dismissed it. Then we found out we were pregnant with our second son. My husband and I were so happy, but we were told by our in laws that they could never love our second child as much as they loved our first, and that we should have never tried to have another child. I took this in stride, tring to be a good sport, and I do have a tendancy to be a bit of a doormat, but thats another issue. Well during the time I was pregnant I got put on bed rest and my husband again advised me to just let my mother in law take my oldest for 2 weeks. Well something or another happened and I could not go get him right away, and they would not bring him back, and he ended up staying for a month.(which they hold that over my head to this day, 2 years later) Now they claim to be souly responcable for his potty training, among other things. After our second child was born things just got stranger. She would insist on calling almost every day and talking for an hour or so to a 3 year old. Then she tries to make me feel bad when I say no, she doesent need to talk that long. Then when she would come to visit, she would go in to my older sons bedroom and close the door,and almost compleatly ignore my youngest, or when my younger got old enough to toddle arround and follow her, she would put him out of my older sons room, and shut the door in his face. She tells every one that I dont love my older as much as I do my younger son and we should just give him to her. She overindulges in his every whim. The last time I got pressured into letting my son go to her house for 2 weeks she and my father in law made him gain 10 pounds. He looked like an orange on toothpicks!! None of his clothes fit him! It had been a little less than a year since that incident and with excersize and a proper diet he lost that weight, and is still not up to that ammount of weight. They even admitted that they over fed him, and fed him anything he wanted. It has gotten even worse, now, when she comes she wants to sleep in his room, and at first that was ok, because he has a spare bed in his room, till he told us she has not been sleeeping in her bed; she has been sleeping in his, with him. Also now every thing is all about her. My son will tell me " That is not how meemaw does it." or " MeeMaw does it this way, I dont like it the way you do it."  She tries to constantly tell me how I am a bad mom for not constantly watching nanny 911 or Supernanny, how my ideas of being a parent as all wrong, that I cant do this, that I am raising my kids all wrong. She will get very upset when my son talks about my parents or his friends. When my parents drove out 1500 miles for the first time in 3 years. My mother in law insisted on comming to my house, too and dominated my older son to the point wher my parents and neighbors were giving me funny looks. She also will yell at me when I joke about a friends daughter and my son getting married some day, but when my son handed her a ring he got from a quarter machine, she sais its her wedding ring from him, and encourages him to say he wants to marry her! Also, when I tried to punish my son for some unacceptable behavour, my mother in law threw a temper tantrum! She said that she had told him he would not have to compleat his punishment, and when I insisted he DID have to , she grabbed him by his wrist and started crying, and ran with him up to his room, and shut the door. Now she tries to manipulate me and my husband by telling me my husband said she can take the kids to her house for 2 weeks, and she will tell my huband that I said she could....so now every time she calls my husband and I have began reviewing each others phone conversatins. My husband is also just starting to tell me stories about his childhood other than just saying "my mom is nuts." One such example is she would hold him and his brother down at 10 and 11 years old, in front of a mirror and play Dolly Pardons 'life is Like a butterfly' over and over again. I just really want to know if I am just jelous of the relationship between my mother in law and my son, or if this just sonds funny to anyone else. Thank you for listening.  
Aarao
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 10:22 pm

Mother In Law Obsessed With My Son

Postby Alasdair » Sun Dec 04, 2016 9:54 pm

Dear Sarah,    something funny is going on here. My number one piece of advice to parents is, it is your job to protect your children. Whether dad likes it, in laws like it, or no one likes it. You are their mother. Your instincts when it come to the boys shouldn't be questioned, they're there for a reason. So many times children are hurt because parents don't want to hurt someone's feelings, so they ignore the signals.     Your sons are being groomed for their future life. If you want a spoiled, juvenile delinquent, continue to let your mother-in-law spoil and protect him from punishment. Your younger son will soon start to feel the favoritism she is showing his brother.    It's time for a long talk with your husband. Tell him it's time to set some rules for his parents in your home. It will be easier if he agrees, and will talk to them with you, but if he is reluctant, just remember, you're the mom here.     As for the telephone calls, my granddaughter's paternal grandmother would call her here, but not when she was at home with her mom. I was unsure of what she was telling my granddaughter, so I got a speakerphone. When she would call I'd say, "Sure you can talk to her. Let me put you on speakerphone and you can talk as long as you like." The phone calls immediately got shorter.     Just be sure to start any conversation with how grateful you are for all the help she's been, but that you need to raise your own children and you hope she will respect your wishes. If she then refuses to listen, it's time to demand the respect you are due.     From one doormat to another, you can do this. The stakes are too high for you not to.

Good luck,

Ruth
Alasdair
 
Posts: 46
Joined: Sat Jan 04, 2014 2:22 pm

Mother In Law Obsessed With My Son

Postby colemann » Mon Dec 05, 2016 6:51 am

I will try to keep this as short as possable but there are so many parts to this problem I am having with my mother in law. To begin, my husband and I have been married for 6 years now, and have had our ups and downs, but delt with them through out the years. We have 2 boys, 5 and 2, and they are wonderful kids. However the problems began when we moved with in 4 hours of my mother in law, when my oldest son was almost two, she seemed so nice and doting, and began wanting to take him for days at a time. I resisted at first, but with pressure from my husband to have some "alone time" I gave in and let my son go for a week. He came back none the worse...so I thought I just had a really nice mother in law who really liked her grand child. I mean every time my husband and I went to visit she was always taking him over, and not letting me do anything for my son. Well then we hear rumour that strange things were going on between her and my son when my husband and I were not arround, like her telling him to call her "mom" insted of meemaw, and she and my father in law talking about how it would be nice to keep him, and how easy it would be to get to Mexico with him. Well I had no proof of this and the girl who told us did not have the best reputation for telling the truth so we dismissed it. Then we found out we were pregnant with our second son. My husband and I were so happy, but we were told by our in laws that they could never love our second child as much as they loved our first, and that we should have never tried to have another child. I took this in stride, tring to be a good sport, and I do have a tendancy to be a bit of a doormat, but thats another issue. Well during the time I was pregnant I got put on bed rest and my husband again advised me to just let my mother in law take my oldest for 2 weeks. Well something or another happened and I could not go get him right away, and they would not bring him back, and he ended up staying for a month.(which they hold that over my head to this day, 2 years later) Now they claim to be souly responcable for his potty training, among other things. After our second child was born things just got stranger. She would insist on calling almost every day and talking for an hour or so to a 3 year old. Then she tries to make me feel bad when I say no, she doesent need to talk that long. Then when she would come to visit, she would go in to my older sons bedroom and close the door,and almost compleatly ignore my youngest, or when my younger got old enough to toddle arround and follow her, she would put him out of my older sons room, and shut the door in his face. She tells every one that I dont love my older as much as I do my younger son and we should just give him to her. She overindulges in his every whim. The last time I got pressured into letting my son go to her house for 2 weeks she and my father in law made him gain 10 pounds. He looked like an orange on toothpicks!! None of his clothes fit him! It had been a little less than a year since that incident and with excersize and a proper diet he lost that weight, and is still not up to that ammount of weight. They even admitted that they over fed him, and fed him anything he wanted. It has gotten even worse, now, when she comes she wants to sleep in his room, and at first that was ok, because he has a spare bed in his room, till he told us she has not been sleeeping in her bed; she has been sleeping in his, with him. Also now every thing is all about her. My son will tell me " That is not how meemaw does it." or " MeeMaw does it this way, I dont like it the way you do it."  She tries to constantly tell me how I am a bad mom for not constantly watching nanny 911 or Supernanny, how my ideas of being a parent as all wrong, that I cant do this, that I am raising my kids all wrong. She will get very upset when my son talks about my parents or his friends. When my parents drove out 1500 miles for the first time in 3 years. My mother in law insisted on comming to my house, too and dominated my older son to the point wher my parents and neighbors were giving me funny looks. She also will yell at me when I joke about a friends daughter and my son getting married some day, but when my son handed her a ring he got from a quarter machine, she sais its her wedding ring from him, and encourages him to say he wants to marry her! Also, when I tried to punish my son for some unacceptable behavour, my mother in law threw a temper tantrum! She said that she had told him he would not have to compleat his punishment, and when I insisted he DID have to , she grabbed him by his wrist and started crying, and ran with him up to his room, and shut the door. Now she tries to manipulate me and my husband by telling me my husband said she can take the kids to her house for 2 weeks, and she will tell my huband that I said she could....so now every time she calls my husband and I have began reviewing each others phone conversatins. My husband is also just starting to tell me stories about his childhood other than just saying "my mom is nuts." One such example is she would hold him and his brother down at 10 and 11 years old, in front of a mirror and play Dolly Pardons 'life is Like a butterfly' over and over again. I just really want to know if I am just jelous of the relationship between my mother in law and my son, or if this just sonds funny to anyone else. Thank you for listening.  
colemann
 
Posts: 48
Joined: Thu May 23, 2013 5:25 am


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