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Husband Has A Drinking Problem

Discussions relating to Drug Laws

Husband Has A Drinking Problem

Postby Cecillo » Sat Dec 03, 2016 2:18 pm

My husband recently lost is job due to his drinking.  Since I have known my husband he has had a drinking problem...he started drinking at age 14.  We are married 10 years and have four little children. In the course of our marriage bad things have happened because of his drinking.

I always would become desperate,I would leave for a while or have him leave.  He always would say he is sorry...stop drinking for a while..things would be fine go back to normal. It is a vicious neverending cycle!!!!

Then a couple of months later somehting else would happen because of his constant drinking!!

We are social people and drink socially but he always gets trashed even sometimes end up  throwing up at the end of the night.  He always drinks beer, rarely does he have a mixed drink.

He has gone to couselling and even an AA meeting here or there, but he never sticks with it. He is a great husband and wonderful father.  He just can not control his drinking.

I am tired of living like this.  Divorce is not an option. My biggest fear is one of my children ending up with a drinking problem also...I need to protect them. When he lost his job...that was the final straw...I tell him over and over again he needs help.  He just sits there and says nothing!!!!

I don't know what to do...please help me!!!!!  
Cecillo
 
Posts: 39
Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2014 8:26 pm

Husband Has A Drinking Problem

Postby Sumner » Mon Dec 05, 2016 12:52 am

Good afternoon Lisa:

Thank you for your question, I will try to help you with my answer. I hope that you do not mind my directness, but alcoholism is not to be treated lightly… it is a terminal disease as is cancer or other of the many diseases that plague mankind. You may not like my answer… but it will be the truth.

You may think that your spouse is a great husband and a wonderful father, but do you really believe that to be true? If he is all that you say he is then he would not have lost his job from drinking! He would not over drink at social occasions! You would not have worry about the effect that he WILL have on your four small children! And you would not be thinking about a divorce(even though it is not an option for you)! Of course he can’t control his drinking… he is an alcoholic,(which by the way you never used “that word” in your question), and once a person has to think about controlling their drinking they have already lost control!

You do realize that not everyone recovers from this dreaded disease, and your husband appears to be one of those types that can not and will not get honest about their alcoholism. There are some of those poor souls that their bottom is as low as they can go…plus 6 feet! Your husband appears to be one of those who cannot be honest enough about their alcoholism to want to get help and recover from it. Unfortunately, there is no “good fairy” that will come down, tap your husband on the shoulder and make him “all better”.  It just doesn’t work that way! It is said that alcoholism is a disease of denial, and it is apparent that your husband is in denial about what it is doing to him and his family. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling, insidious and powerful. It has no cure…once an alcoholic always an alcoholic! So to speak…“once you make a cucumber into a pickle, you can never change it back to a cucumber”. The good news is that there is recovery from the disease and it is accomplished “just one day at a time.” I’m sure that you have heard that saying before. It has been my experience to have never seen an alcoholic recover on their own willpower for the long haul. No one can scare an alcoholic into stop drinking. All the threatening and begging in the world will not get them to stop doing what they cannot do on their own. Don't for one second think that your husband does not want to stop drinking… he can't stop when left to his own devices. Don't be fooled into thinking that he will stop drinking just because he says that he will. It's not that he will purposely lie to you… but he will lie to himself because down deep he knows that he can’t stop. Unless your husband seriously enters a program like AA(and strictly follows their suggestions) he is destined to die a drunk's death, get involved negatively with the law, or end up in a mental institution and destroy you and your children in the process. Counseling is good for him to go to but what he needs is a support group like AA so that he can identify with other alcoholics. From the description of your actions I would say that you are an “enabler”, and that you have never held your husband responsible for his behavior! It seems as though he becomes a “good boy”, but once the “heat is off” his addiction to the drug alcohol sets him off again. It is very easy for those who are close to an alcoholic to become “enablers”. Many enablers are impelled by their own anxiety and guilt to rescue the alcoholic from their predicament. If you have no special knowledge or training in the field of alcoholism and try to help, your husband can sense your ineptness and weakness and continue on drinking because he knows that he will be forgiven again and again. I hope that you do not turn into such a person. You have to learn and believe that you are totally powerless over your husband’s drinking, it is not your fault, and that you, his counselor or even AA cannot help him if he does not have a desire to stop drinking. With that being said…For your well being I would recommend that you go to Alanon. You may not be able to do anything about your husband’s drinking but you can do something about the problem that has developed in your life by having an alcoholic in it. At Alanon you will find out what you can do to help him by first learning to help yourself. Until you are armed with proper information and knowledge of the disease and its implications, your efforts to help him will be for nothing. Alcoholism is deadly and it destroys everything and everyone who comes into contact with it. Your husband should never be rewarded for his irresponsible actions. He must be held responsible for them. Something must be done to stop his spiral downward. It is very common for an alcoholic to lie about their drinking. They will lie at the drop of a hat to protect their right to drink. That is what alcoholics do! Social drinkers don’t have to hide their bottles, lie about their drinking, or find excuses to continue drinking. Your husband knows that he will get a free ride from you because you will never divorce him, and remove his children from the environment that they are presently exposed to! SO HE REALLY HAS NOTHING TO LOSE BY CONTINUING TO DRINK! You can be sure that if he does nothing about his drinking that your life will get worse as time goes by, and your children will most certainly be affected by their father’s drinking. You may find that the children stop bringing their friends to your house because your husband scares them or that your children become ashamed of their father.

Stopping drinking is not a matter of willpower. Alcoholism is a disease. Drinking alcoholically is but a symptom of a deeper underlying problem that must be faced up to in order for an alcoholic to recover. Without learning what that problem is, trying to stay away from a drink is known as “white knuckle sobriety”. It isn’t very long before the alcoholic has to drink again. FOR THE ALCOHOLIC THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS CUTTING DOWN, drinking only on weekends, changing what they drink, or even switching to “near beer” with 0.05% alcohol. For the alcoholic nothing will work short of total and complete abstinence from any thing that contains alcohol or other mind-altering substances(drugs). Of course the exception is a medical doctor’s prescription as long as the doctor understands that he/she is dealing with an addicted person. I can’t advise you as what to do, but I will say this…If your husband is allowed to continue drinking, doesn’t turn himself in to a detox clinic, and then continue to faithfully go to AA EVERY DAY after his detoxification is over, you are setting yourself up to living a miserable, unhappy and abusive life.  Alcoholism never gets better…it only gets worse. In any case you have to be strong and insist that he does something about stopping drinking, BUT whatever you do, don’t make any threats to him that you are not willing to follow through on. I am sorry if I have offended you with my answer, but I have told you the truth about the situation that you are presently in, or will eventually be in, if your husband does not get some help with his drinking problem. If your husband drinks a lot of beer then he is drinking a lot of alcohol. A 12 ounce can of beer has the same alcohol content in it as 1 ounce of 80% proof hard liquor. If you have any follow up questions I will be pleased to respond. Thank you Rebos
Sumner
 
Posts: 28
Joined: Sat Mar 15, 2014 11:56 pm

Husband Has A Drinking Problem

Postby Rek » Tue Dec 13, 2016 3:16 pm

My husband recently lost is job due to his drinking.  Since I have known my husband he has had a drinking problem...he started drinking at age 14.  We are married 10 years and have four little children. In the course of our marriage bad things have happened because of his drinking.

I always would become desperate,I would leave for a while or have him leave.  He always would say he is sorry...stop drinking for a while..things would be fine go back to normal. It is a vicious neverending cycle!!!!

Then a couple of months later somehting else would happen because of his constant drinking!!

We are social people and drink socially but he always gets trashed even sometimes end up  throwing up at the end of the night.  He always drinks beer, rarely does he have a mixed drink.

He has gone to couselling and even an AA meeting here or there, but he never sticks with it. He is a great husband and wonderful father.  He just can not control his drinking.

I am tired of living like this.  Divorce is not an option. My biggest fear is one of my children ending up with a drinking problem also...I need to protect them. When he lost his job...that was the final straw...I tell him over and over again he needs help.  He just sits there and says nothing!!!!

I don't know what to do...please help me!!!!!  
Rek
 
Posts: 31
Joined: Tue Mar 11, 2014 8:38 am


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