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How to handle my rude & selfish sister-in-law?

Family Law Discussion Forum

How to handle my rude & selfish sister-in-law?

Postby brenn15 » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:01 am

My sister-in-law is so rude and cold to me, and has been since day one. I have never understood why she didn't like me, because I really tried to be courteous and polite even though I could clearly tell the feeling wasn't mutual. My husband's family is Catholic and they're often very judgmental and pompous.
My husband and I had our wedding date set and reception hall booked almost 2 years in advanced. She was well aware, but decided to marry a guy who she knew for only a year... and set her date 2 weeks before ours. My husband and his parents tried to talk to her about it but she refused to change her date. She and her husband are now currently separating and filing for divorce soon. (One of the main reasons was that she wanted kids, and he didn't. My husband and I have two children. So I do sense some jealousy.)
When it came time for her to be in our wedding, she decided that she didn't want to stand on my side as a bridesmaid, but to stand on my husband's side with the groomsmen. Because I'm not a fan of her, I decided that was fine with me because I'd have to see her less But instead of wearing the bridesmaid dress (but in black, instead of green like the bridesmaids because I told her she'd have to wear black to blend in with the guys), she decided that she wanted to choose her own dress, because she would never wear the one I chose again. Because I wanted to avoid any more stress and drama during my wedding planning, I just decided to give in. But now I regret it. I think she sees me as a pushover and it shows by her constant rude and passive aggressive comments she makes all the time. She makes snide remarks about me, and the last time she was at our house (which was remodeled) she made very rude remarks about anything she could. I never really say anything to her, because my parents did raise me well I'd say, and they always said to have class and never stoop down to someone else's level.
However, I normally am very upfront with people and I have no problem speaking my mind. But I guess when I'm around her and my in-laws, I just hate to cause drama or come off as rude too. I hate to give them one more reason to "judge" me, as my in-laws have also said rude things to me in the past that were out of line. My husband agrees that she's very mean sometimes but he thinks she's a lost cause and that she probably won't ever change. I really want to stand up for myself, though, and do what I can to get her to stop, but I'm not sure how to do that.
brenn15
 
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How to handle my rude & selfish sister-in-law?

Postby macquaid35 » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:03 am

When she gives you selfish, snide remarks, pretend like you thought it was funny. Don't show her that it bothers you, because clearly, her goal is to bother you.
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How to handle my rude & selfish sister-in-law?

Postby chason58 » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:08 am

When she makes her snide remarks or comments confront her right then. If you don't and keep letting her do it you'll be doing it all your life with her. Time to put your foot down & stop being her door mat. If she doesn't like it tell her it's going to be this way or she can stay away. Plain & simple. Quit beating around the bush with her. You can't change people like that. You just have to tell them you're not going to take it. Tell your husband he better back you up or he might leave with her. He'll get the point
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How to handle my rude & selfish sister-in-law?

Postby bocley » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:13 am

Tell her," how's is your husban and kids? Oh that's right you have neither :) " you have to speak up about them disrespecting you in your own home. It's your sanctuary. It's not for her and his parents to cone over an judge you and your life. Or they aren't welcome in your home or your kids life. It's simple you be rude and snotty to me I will cut you out of the lives of my kids and me! Your husband should understand I he sees that they are nasty to you
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How to handle my rude & selfish sister-in-law?

Postby abelard29 » Tue Mar 06, 2012 7:14 am

i think its time you told everyone including this woman that you are not a push over and that you dont take too kindly to being pushed around by her, insulted and berated/ degraded by someone who is obviously jelous of your and your hubbys relationship. i fully understand what you mean about not coming off as rude to your in laws but best thing to do would be plan a family meal, have everyone around and tell them in front of her including your parents how she is treating you, how she makes you feel. no one should have to put up with this at all. speak your mind, be honest, and tell her that it either stops or she would be unwelcome at your home anymore. simple as that really. good luck with it.
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