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How Do You Convince Or Persuade Someone She Has A Drinking Problem

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How Do You Convince Or Persuade Someone She Has A Drinking Problem

Postby Hogan » Sun Jun 12, 2016 11:19 pm

Hi, Rebos

My girlfriend has a drinking problem.  She will do thing things after a few beers she would not do otherwise.  How can I convince or persuade her to seek help?  

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Joined: Sun Feb 09, 2014 1:12 pm

How Do You Convince Or Persuade Someone She Has A Drinking Problem

Postby Rickie » Tue Jun 14, 2016 2:12 am

Hi, Rebos

My girlfriend has a drinking problem.  She will do thing things after a few beers she would not do otherwise.  How can I convince or persuade her to seek help?  

Posts: 55
Joined: Sat Jan 11, 2014 3:36 am

How Do You Convince Or Persuade Someone She Has A Drinking Problem

Postby Kevron » Wed Jun 15, 2016 7:05 am

Good Afternoon Ed:

Thank you for your question. I will do my best to suggest some actions that you may want to follow thru on.

You didn't use the “A” word(alcoholic) in your question to me. From your very brief question I will have to assume that your girlfriend is an alcoholic since she apparently continues to act out in bizarre ways, even after(I assume you tell her about her actions). To summarize: if your girlfriend is an alcoholic there is very little that you can do about her stopping drinking.

It is very easy for those who are close to an alcoholic to become “enablers”. An enabler is a person who allows an alcoholic to continue drinking, primarily by their acceptance of the alcoholic's actions and not holding them accountable for their unacceptable behavior. In a backhanded way an enabler gives the alcoholic “permission” to drink by their continued acceptance of the alcoholic's unacceptable behavior. What ever you decide to do it should be based upon your head talking and not your heart. Don't let your actions appear to be allowing her to continue drinking. If you continue down the road that you are headed you haven't seen anything yet. Alcoholism is a progressive disease it only gets worse it never gets better on its own. It is my opinion that if your girlfriend does not stop drinking(total abstinence) after you ask her… her problem drinking is a lot worse than you may want to believe. If you decide to give her an ultimatum to stop drinking or you will leave then it is best that you do leave, because the booze has become more important to her than you! Remember, if drinking causes problems then IT is the problem. Never, never make any threats to her unless you are willing to follow through with them, and mean it!

HOWEVER, if you cannot stop yourself from continuing your relationship with her, then it would be wise for you to attend Alanon meetings. If you chose to remain in the relationship and you don't attend meetings you have no one to blame for your situation but yourself. If you go to Alanon you will find that your problem is not quite as unique as you may think. At Alanon you would learn how to live with having an alcoholic in your life, and learn the truth about the disease of alcoholism. Alanon is intended to help you and not the Alcoholic directly. In order for you to be able to help her you must first learn to help yourself. At Alanon you would meet people who have an alcoholic in their lives too, and that their own lives had become unmanageable as a result of it. Alcoholism is a disease that affects everyone who comes into contact with the alcoholic. Alcoholics are not bad people, they are sick people who need help, but they must be held responsible for their actions! You may not be able to do anything about your girlfriend's drinking but you can do something about the problem that has developed, or will develope in your life by having an alcoholic in it. Until you are armed with the right kind of information, knowledge and implications of the disease your efforts to help her will be for nothing. Alcoholism is deadly and it destroys everything and everyone who comes into contact with it. If you do not have Alanon's local number call the following toll-free numbers: 1-800-344-2666(United States) or 1-800-443-4525(Canada).  

It is generally believed, by many in the field of alcoholism, that it is a three-fold disease. mental, physical and spiritual. The “mental” part of the illness refers to the mental obsession to drink that precedes the first drink... a pre-occupation with thinking about drinking which is so powerful that an alcoholic must drink. In so many words, thinking about the drink in between the drinks. The alcoholic never seems to worry about the drink in front of them, but they think of the next one. The “physical” aspect of the disease is that once the first drink is downed a physical compulsion takes over in the form of a deep incessant craving that an alcoholic must continue to drink until some outside incident stops them or they pass out. The “spiritual” part of the illness(not spiritual in a religious way) is in the loss of an alcoholic's values, and a willingness to settle for less and less as the drinking continues. It becomes difficult for the alcoholic to determine the difference between right and wrong or good and bad. An alcoholic develops a change in priorities where drinking becomes more important than health, family, job and friends. Stopping drinking is not a matter of willpower. Alcoholism is a disease. Drinking alcoholically is but a symptom of a deeper underlying problem that must be faced up to in order for an alcoholic to recover. Without learning what that problem is, trying to stay away from a drink is known as "white knuckle sobriety". It isn't very long before the alcoholic has to drink again. For the alcoholic there is no such thing as cutting down, drinking only on weekends, changing what they drink, smoking pot or taking other mind altering drugs or even switching to “near beer” with 0.5% alcohol. For the alcoholic nothing will work short of total and complete abstinence from any thing that contains alcohol or other mind-altering substances(drugs). Of course the exception is a medical doctor's prescription as long as the doctor understands that he is dealing with an addictive person. Unfortunately, all alcoholics must hit their own bottom before they do anything about stopping(if they ever do). I am sorry to say that hitting a bottom for some many may mean going as low as a person can go...plus six feet! Don't let her take you there with her. Let her go if you must and get on with your life. Once again, you may help to save her life by raising her bottom even if you are no longer together.

Until she “admits and accepts” that alcohol is causing her problems there is little you can do for her. Even those poor unfortunates that are in shelters “admit” that they are having a problem with drinking, but it is their “acceptance” to the point of doing something positive about it, is what counts. No one can scare an alcoholic into stopping drinking. Cajoling, hand-wringing, threatening, begging and even putting them away against their will, will not get them to stop doing what they have not made up their own mind to do. Don't think that your girlfriend may not want to stop drinking, she may not be able to stop when left to her own devices. Also, don't be lulled into thinking that she will stop drinking just because she says that she will. It's not that she will purposely lie to you… but she will lie to herself because down deep she is afraid to stop. Alcoholism is powerful, cunning, baffling and insidious. An active alcoholic's choices become limited to: attending a recovery program like AA, or entering an in-patient detoxification clinic that has an after care outpatient program. All alcoholics eventually get involved with the law in some bad way. I am sorry to be blunt, but I am only stating what you probably already know and have seen other's examples of. I personally have never seen an alcoholic stop drinking on willpower alone. The disease(addiction)is too powerful.  

She's “gottawanna” stop drinking in order for anything to work! Eventually it would be wise for her to enter some type of recovery program, like Alcoholics Anonymous. They will welcome her with open arms. AA has a great track record for recovery. She will stay sober for only as long as she wants to. I guarantee that if she wants to stay stopped and change her for the better, AA will help. Sobriety is not a one shot deal... it is a lifetime proposition of hard work, persistence, discipline and achieving some level of humility. If she is an alcoholic it won't be easy for her but it will be worth it. AA works for those who want it to work. Unfortunately, there is no good fairy that will tap her on the shoulder and make her “all better”. It takes a lot of hard work, perseverance and a “lifetime of effort”(one day at a time) I wish you the very best and once again I hope that I have not taken too much liberty with you in the way I have responded to you. If you want to get more specific in your question to me and I can be of further help please do not hesitate to contact me again through Allexperts. Thank you Rebos.  
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