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How do I deal with rude brother and sister in law?

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How do I deal with rude brother and sister in law?

Postby sebastiano53 » Fri Jul 06, 2012 9:31 pm

I have been with my partner for a year and a half, when I meet his brother and wife they had 7 month old daughterand an 11 yr old from her previous relationship. We are from the same country but are very different. I am Americanized, have a college education, desire to further my studies, and travel. She has repeatedly stated her family is important and that the point to marriage is to creat a family with many children. I have not been around any children in the past and therefore am not comfortable around children and do not physically interact with them. I become anxious when they cry and scream, and their movements are unpredictable and make me uneasy. When asked when I would be getting pregnant (6 months into the relationship) I stated I had other plans for life and children were not my main focus because I wanted to finish school, travel, accomplish my career goals, and I believe it is important to reach financial security before considering childre. She then stated that women like me would be bad mothers and it would be best to not have children because the child would suffer. I work 3 to 4 days a week and live comfortably, she made a comment about me being lazy because I don't work hard. I let it go. She asked why my brother and I don't share a last name I stated because I have my mothers last name. During the Sunday family dinner she made a comment that all children have their fathers last name then looked at me and stated well you don't because your father did not take responsability for you. I let it go. She and her husband came to our home and they began discussing the lack of relations between them and describing their actions while in relations at which point I asked that they not speak about those private matters as they were inappropriate, she stated I was uptight and became upset. Her daughter ruined my satin table cloth and seat cushion and they jokingly said your auntie wont invite you anymore. I said nothing. Her husband asked what could be done to prevent another child I stated that it would be best to discuss with your doctor, they both went on about how they didn't use protection or contraceptives, their relations were not frequent for his desire and it was her responsability to prevent a child, I stated if a couple makes a child it is both parties responsability. 2 months later at 6 am we received a call from his brother informing us of their future child, at which point his brother asked if they required financial assistance could we be counted on to help. The child was born I went with my partner to visit and since I was getting over a cough I didn't touch or get close to the child, I excused myself and went to the dinning room where the toddler was drinking soda late at night at which point her husband stated it wasn't bad for her to drink soda, and I said nothing.
Its been 4 moths and I have not been to visit considering the inappropriate comments and lack of boundaries. Its almost the holidays and I don't know if I should suck it up for my partner or keep my distance. They have been addressed by my partner as to the comments and state they have not done anything wrong and do not feel I am owed an apology, rather I owe them an apology for being distant and not affectionate towards their children.
During this entire process my partner has not stood up for me when comments are made, he stated he spoke with his brother regarding the I appropriateness, and explained I would no longer visit due to the rude environment created towards me. His brother stated they did nothing wrong and will not apologize. I feel frustrated that they continually ask him where I am, what I'm doing and that its sad that he has to visit alone when he is part of a couple. When he gets home he continues to discuss the conversations and events that took place and I honestly don't want to know anything about them. I have stated that I don't need negative, rude, passive aggressive people in my life and he states I can't change people and to just go with him and try to ignor them and that I'm being too sensitive.
I need help. I'm worried our relationship won't make it.
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Joined: Sat Apr 02, 2011 3:28 am

How do I deal with rude brother and sister in law?

Postby shen86 » Fri Jul 06, 2012 9:32 pm

Well Irene that was a lot of information to take in I had to read it a few times to get into it. Having said that I really feel for you and understand how hard this must be for you. There is no quick fix here and with your sister in law not seeming to like you. You're running up hill with a heavy load. You need to get your brother alone and have a long talk. Discuss every issue with him. Don't say negative things about his wife as it will get his back up and you'll achieve nothing. But do tell him that the thing she says to you hurts your feelings but more than that it hurts your relation ship with him, and the rest of the family. I dont know what else to say but I do know that when the time comes and you're ready you will make a great mother. Even though you don't feel close to children now. When you become pregnant its like you become a mother instantly and what you think you don't know about kids, don't worry a mother always knows what to do take care and good luck, the doc
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Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2011 5:05 am

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