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Disfellowshipped And In Darkness

The law of the sea.

Disfellowshipped And In Darkness

Postby Sonnie » Sun Nov 06, 2016 9:19 am

after manny years of being dissfellowshipped i stopped touching the unclean thing and decided to try and make my way back to jehovah. For 4 months i attended meetings and i might have been close to reinstatment. Then a problem came into my life my wife left me for another man and i got drunk 1 night and commited fornication destroying any healing i was reciving from jehovah. I felt so bad that 4 months went down the drain and a didnt stand up againt satans test so i gave up. I went entierly back to the old personality with the attitude i might as well live for myself and enjoy life the best i can before i die because the truth is so hard for me and i fear that even my best efforts to try again would just fail so it wouldnt matter anyways. Today i have quit smoking for 3 weeks quit playing world of warcraft online game(my number 1 source for entertainment that will keep my mind off of all my problems and keep me in a spritually vegestative state).I have returned to the meetings and close to submitting my letter once again for reinstatment. Heres the things that deeply bother me as of now. This is a brief timeline of my beggining with jehovah. It was a great joy to learn the truth and couldnt wait to be a witness i studied with a wonderful elder with great insight. I became a publisher was denied baptizim(now that im older im ok with that decision)but i fell away thinking i wasnt good enough. I entered a period of wrongdoing drinking, smoking weed and gave up. The brothers kept coming to me and convinced me to come back so i did and progressed very well even became baptized. The number one thing holding me back is the past sins i commited becuase they are also crimes that only jehovah and the elders know about. They showed me the scripture "all things are lawful but not all build up" hope u get the reference. Basically saying to me what i did was wrong and is punishable in a court but letting authorities punish me might not build me up and told me to keep on doing what i was doing and that was going to the meetings. But carrying those past sins is a great burden its wasnt murder i assure u of that but it was a sexual based crime after i knew the truth but not baptized. So how would i know if i could just forget it all and move on or am i just fooling myself. What if i chose to listen to that elder and forget it all only to be condemed in the end for it? would jehovah hold me accountible on the basis of me just following council from an elder? i have become like those seeds that fall upon rocky soil i recived the truth with the greatest joy i continued a while until a problem rose. I have to work 2 jobs and miss the meeting on sunday because of work. i have no peace i have failed with jehovah but im still going to the meetings and trying my best to keep clean. Also around 2008 i was drunk and cussed at jehovah told him the f word that i hated how we had to go thru all of this but later felt regret for fear i commited the unforgivable sin. So thats it i feel like my past sins are not forgiven and and i commited the unforgivable sin and my repeated atempts of trying and failing shows i have no integrity. But im trying to make my way back even after all of this becuase i just want to get what i had when i fisrt learned the truth and that was peace knowing jehovah and the deep love i had but sadly i feel like i wont have the time or means of healing to reach that goal should i just quit or should i keep fighting?

If i keep fighting for the truth and make my stand all the way to the end but dont make it how great that sadness will be for me.

If i quit i can make peace with myself and accept death because at least its not a hidden path but both seem the same so its all vanity for me. In fact my everday is vanity just full of things to help me survive to the next day to do the same thing work sleep workk sleep etc.. The only thing that is not vanity is going to the meetings and i cant even sing the "He will call song because i tear up" im hurting inside and hate myself for all the stupid mistakes i made and just feel like im already judged what should i do brother rando? anyways ill still go to the meeting and try
Sonnie
 
Posts: 44
Joined: Sat Feb 15, 2014 10:42 pm

Disfellowshipped And In Darkness

Postby Beaven » Mon Nov 07, 2016 9:34 pm

after manny years of being dissfellowshipped i stopped touching the unclean thing and decided to try and make my way back to jehovah. For 4 months i attended meetings and i might have been close to reinstatment. Then a problem came into my life my wife left me for another man and i got drunk 1 night and commited fornication destroying any healing i was reciving from jehovah. I felt so bad that 4 months went down the drain and a didnt stand up againt satans test so i gave up. I went entierly back to the old personality with the attitude i might as well live for myself and enjoy life the best i can before i die because the truth is so hard for me and i fear that even my best efforts to try again would just fail so it wouldnt matter anyways. Today i have quit smoking for 3 weeks quit playing world of warcraft online game(my number 1 source for entertainment that will keep my mind off of all my problems and keep me in a spritually vegestative state).I have returned to the meetings and close to submitting my letter once again for reinstatment. Heres the things that deeply bother me as of now. This is a brief timeline of my beggining with jehovah. It was a great joy to learn the truth and couldnt wait to be a witness i studied with a wonderful elder with great insight. I became a publisher was denied baptizim(now that im older im ok with that decision)but i fell away thinking i wasnt good enough. I entered a period of wrongdoing drinking, smoking weed and gave up. The brothers kept coming to me and convinced me to come back so i did and progressed very well even became baptized. The number one thing holding me back is the past sins i commited becuase they are also crimes that only jehovah and the elders know about. They showed me the scripture "all things are lawful but not all build up" hope u get the reference. Basically saying to me what i did was wrong and is punishable in a court but letting authorities punish me might not build me up and told me to keep on doing what i was doing and that was going to the meetings. But carrying those past sins is a great burden its wasnt murder i assure u of that but it was a sexual based crime after i knew the truth but not baptized. So how would i know if i could just forget it all and move on or am i just fooling myself. What if i chose to listen to that elder and forget it all only to be condemed in the end for it? would jehovah hold me accountible on the basis of me just following council from an elder? i have become like those seeds that fall upon rocky soil i recived the truth with the greatest joy i continued a while until a problem rose. I have to work 2 jobs and miss the meeting on sunday because of work. i have no peace i have failed with jehovah but im still going to the meetings and trying my best to keep clean. Also around 2008 i was drunk and cussed at jehovah told him the f word that i hated how we had to go thru all of this but later felt regret for fear i commited the unforgivable sin. So thats it i feel like my past sins are not forgiven and and i commited the unforgivable sin and my repeated atempts of trying and failing shows i have no integrity. But im trying to make my way back even after all of this becuase i just want to get what i had when i fisrt learned the truth and that was peace knowing jehovah and the deep love i had but sadly i feel like i wont have the time or means of healing to reach that goal should i just quit or should i keep fighting?

If i keep fighting for the truth and make my stand all the way to the end but dont make it how great that sadness will be for me.

If i quit i can make peace with myself and accept death because at least its not a hidden path but both seem the same so its all vanity for me. In fact my everday is vanity just full of things to help me survive to the next day to do the same thing work sleep workk sleep etc.. The only thing that is not vanity is going to the meetings and i cant even sing the "He will call song because i tear up" im hurting inside and hate myself for all the stupid mistakes i made and just feel like im already judged what should i do brother rando? anyways ill still go to the meeting and try
Beaven
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:17 am

Disfellowshipped And In Darkness

Postby Tobie » Wed Nov 09, 2016 3:19 am

Go to the Elders.....  "Is there anyone suffering evil among YOU? Let him carry on prayer. Is there anyone in good spirits? Let him sing psalms. ?Is there anyone sick among YOU? Let him call the older men of the congregation to [him], and let them pray over him, greasing [him] with oil in the name of Jehovah. ?And the prayer of faith will make the indisposed one well , and Jehovah will raise him up. Also, if he has committed sins, it will be forgiven him.  Therefore openly confess YOUR sins to one another and pray for one another, that YOU may get healed. A righteous man’s supplication, when it is at work, has much force."(James 5:13-16)  
Tobie
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Wed Mar 12, 2014 2:42 pm


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