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Child Visitation What Is Fair?

Family Law Discussion Forum

Child Visitation What Is Fair?

Postby Thain » Wed Dec 07, 2016 9:38 am

Hello,

I'm in the process of a divorce.  We have an 8 month old baby.  After only being married 7 months we separated.  (Not knowing I was pregnant)  He never came around to help or offer anything during my pregnancy.  

But my Ex came around when our baby was 4 months.  We tried to work it out for our baby but he is addicted to pornography. Ex was seeing a therapist & he was diagnosed as a sex addict.  Hes addiction took sole control of his life and mine!   The relationship ended again 3 months later.

Anyway my concern is he wants to 50% of visitation with our son. We live 1 hour apart.  How much time is fair?  I'm worried overnights, his addiction!  I don't really have $ for an attorney.  Should we go thru mediation?  Pls help I'm trying not to allow my anger and hurt interfere with my son having a relationship with his father.  

Thank you.
Thain
 
Posts: 44
Joined: Tue Feb 25, 2014 3:48 am

Child Visitation What Is Fair?

Postby Zebulon » Fri Dec 09, 2016 5:33 am

Hello,

I'm in the process of a divorce.  We have an 8 month old baby.  After only being married 7 months we separated.  (Not knowing I was pregnant)  He never came around to help or offer anything during my pregnancy.  

But my Ex came around when our baby was 4 months.  We tried to work it out for our baby but he is addicted to pornography. Ex was seeing a therapist & he was diagnosed as a sex addict.  Hes addiction took sole control of his life and mine!   The relationship ended again 3 months later.

Anyway my concern is he wants to 50% of visitation with our son. We live 1 hour apart.  How much time is fair?  I'm worried overnights, his addiction!  I don't really have $ for an attorney.  Should we go thru mediation?  Pls help I'm trying not to allow my anger and hurt interfere with my son having a relationship with his father.  

Thank you.
Zebulon
 
Posts: 50
Joined: Thu Jan 16, 2014 5:29 am

Child Visitation What Is Fair?

Postby treven » Sun Dec 11, 2016 10:28 am

Hi Gwen, Not a great situation to be in and I am sorry things turned out that way, especially for the baby.  I do not know from your question what State you live in and it must be noted that each US State has its own family law code.

That said here are some general tips.

Many courts have court ordered or court available mediation which is free of charge.  I believe it is always better to work things out in mediation, and its more about the mediation process than not having any money.  The process will help you work something out that is in the best interests of the child.

The ideal for you and I presume best for baby if the dad has addiction problems is 100% legal and 100% physical custody for you, with father having supervised visitation. The supervised visitation can end when father submits to psychological tests and assessment showing he no longer spends time with porn.  If father has no control over porn watching, then he cannot sustain the needs of an infant or toddler who requires constant watching and attention.  That is your case to tell the mediator.

You also do not need an attorney to fight it alone, as long as you get the judge to see your side of the story and you take as much evidence as you can to court, such as how many hours he spends on the porn, etc. A Psychologist's testimony etc.

But hopefully you can get what you need thru court mediation.  Also the mediator often makes recommendations to the judge - so if you make things clear to the mediator it may work out.

The most important things for you to remember are as follows:

1. Validate that the child needs a dad and that you want dad to get well so he can spend more time with baby:

2.  ALWAYS show you are focused on best interests of child;

3. Assert that you believe the baby is at risk especially as a toddler due to father's inattentiveness precipitated by his lack of control over the porn.  Also concern about what a kid may see.

4. Lay out a plan such as father can visit with child away from home and computers, at a park, twice a week for a couple of hours and one day per weekend - no sleepovers. So have a plan at hand when you visit with mediator and stay focused on the above talking points.  Then say you are willing to a review in one year's time and will be open to a step up plan as long as the father submits to psychological evaluation.

Good luck.  Hope this helps.   Also seek out legal aid or whatever free services the Courts may have available in the county.

Melanie  
treven
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Sat Oct 06, 2012 4:20 pm


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