Tips for Achieving an Amicable Divorce

Amicable Divorce

Amicable Divorce

Getting divorced is usually an extremely traumatic event. There are many emotions that most people experience when coming out of a failed marriage – anger, jealousy, regret, resentment and low self esteem.

So with all of those emotions swirling around, it is often difficult to reach an agreement that both parties think is fair and reasonable. It can also be very difficult if your spouse has already moved on and found another partner, or if there was infidelity involved.

Here are some simple tips to help you remain calm and reach an amicable settlement with your spouse.

Deal with your emotions on your own time and accept things have changed
You will have to accept that the relationship has come to an end and be prepared to move on. Acceptance is difficult to achieve, but consider the bright future you will have ahead of you once the settlement is finalized.

Take a breath and let your anger go. Even if your partner has been unfaithful to you, concentrate on your well being instead of on anger and frustration. If you cannot let go of the anger it will be extremely difficult for you to move on and enter into new relationships. Think about the future, not the past.

Anger can also cloud your judgement, leading you to make decisions out of haste that are not ultimately in your best interests.

Accept that the marriage is over
The best way to ensure a smooth divorce is to make sure both parties have accepted the marriage is over. When one partner secretly harbors fantasies of reconciliation, the divorce can get nasty very quickly.

Consider a lawyer-free divorce
If you are on good terms with your soon to be ex-spouse, you may be able to proceed without the need for adversarial laywers. Some relationships end when both partners have finally given up. If that is the case for you, and if the assets involved are relatively simple, you might not need a lawyer at all.

When there are many assets, children involved and custody issues, it is usually a good idea for both parties to obtain lawyers so things go smoothly.

Find a good lawyer and understand your rights
Ask friends and acquaintances about lawyers that have good reputations for working through divorces. You won’t be able to use the family lawyer in most cases, if they have been working with both partners in the past.

Ask your lawyer to inform you of all of your rights and obligations. You can do some research yourself, but it is usually far better to ask a lawyer for the information.

If you are looking for an amicable divorce, make this very clear to your representative. Your lawyer should understand that you aren’t seeking to inflict maximum harm, but instead looking to compromise.

Don’t get caught up about assets you don’t really care about
For a divorce to be amicable, you should consider what your partner brought into the household and what their passions are.

If your husband was an avid sports collector, don’t fight to take his valuable jersey collection. Be thoughtful about what you think they are passionate about and ask for the same in return.

Worth together to decide custody
Dealing with the custody of children is often a sore point in divorces. Consider the needs of the children foremost and be generous with your partner’s needs. Don’t pressure your children into making the decision you want and don’t talk down your partner in front of your children. If the partner found out you were making disparaging remarks about them to the children, the divorce proceedings would sour very quickly.

Be willing to share all major decisions when it come to your children — don’t assume that if you have majority custody you decide everything. The partnership continues if there are children involved, so you should try to remain on good terms.

Have a professional relationship with your ex-partner
Divorcees have to re-frame their relationship after the proceedings have finalized. You will no longer be passionate about each other as you used to be. The new relationship should be respectful, formal and professional. Treat them with as much courtesy as you would a colleague at work. Expect the same in return.

Enjoy your life
Move on with your life, take up new hobbies, meet new people and when you are ready, enter into a new relationship.

Learn from your divorce as much as possible and aim to do better in your next relationship and you will!