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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Family Law Discussion Forum

Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby marmion » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:12 pm

My husband and I have been married for about 6 months. For the past 2 years or so, he has volunteered for Big Brother Big Sister and gone out of his way to do nice things for his "little brother" Nate who is now 16. He has never missed an appointment with him and even does things with him more than the required once a month. The kid is a total brat, he's bipolar and never takes his meds, and his mom is a total nutjob. It's sad so I haven't complained about it, but lately I don't appreciate the way they are treating my husband. There are 2 other kids in the family, and my husband invited Nate to Thanksgiving dinner with his parents and family. We got there to pick him up and the mom had the other 2 kids ready and asked if they could go. When my husband said no, she threw a fit and made him feel guiltyand told the kids, "He doesn't want you to go," when there was barely room for everyone else as it is. Nate texts my husband constantly,complaining that my husband never has time for him and that he "doesn't know what to do with him", and that since we got married he feels like my husband cares about me more (Ya think?!) He makes weird facebook posts all the time about how he wishes everyone who is mean to him would die, and his mom calls my husband all the time as well (he never answers) begging him to take Nate for the weekend (against BBBS policy) or to come get him because she can't control him, or she'll ask him to borrow money or buy Nate things, also completely against policy. She never pays for anything although she gets tons of disability and child support payments. She even called my husband asking if her kids could spend Christmas with us and when he said no she hung up on him.

My husband is in law school and works full time and makes way more time for this kid than he is obligated to yet they still make him feel guilty. But between Nate and his Mom I can't take it anymore. I have even spoken to the person in charge of the case and she won't do anything about their behavior. I think this relaitonship needs to end but my husband feels bad doing that. I'm so sick of the way they treat my husband and the middle of the night texts and constant phone calls and them thinking he's the new man of their house. He told me he'll stop if I really want him to, but I don't want to be the bad guy here. Am I being unreasonable?
marmion
 
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby varik » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:15 pm

No, honey, you are NOT being heartless nor are you being a bit mean in ANY way. This family has completely taken advantage of your husband's kindness & big heartiness! This is NOT the "purpose" of the nature of what is "required" of him. This child badly needs mental health help, his own mother doesn't even make sure he's taking his meds. as prescribed! He is NOT his father & should not even be required to do ALL that's asked of him. Please for his sake, for your sake have a serious talk with him. Say what you mean, mean what you say. Let him know he may not be the rite person for this organization. He has too much "heart", gets far too involved over & beyond, the organization won't even stand behind him!!! He gave it a try, but it's gotten to the point where it's interfering in your personal lives now. This should NOT be happening! He has MORE than enuf on his "plate" at the moment, it's beginning to "take" rather than to "give". He MUST detach himself from it ALL. He cannot feel bad about it whatsoever. We all try things to find they just were not meant to be part of our lives. Such is this case at hand. You may need to go as far as to having to change your very phone nos., but do whatever is necessary to get him out & away from this organization completely & do it ASAP. He can feel NO guilt for doing so, you're behind him & support him 100%. Do NOT reply back to them in any way if they should attempt to contact you. Something MUST be done about this situation, the sooner the better for ALL involved. Put it in your past & leave it there. The past is forever gone, your future is still your own...all the best to you, honey...:)
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby winfrid12 » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:21 pm

Tell your husband this, he will understand. He seems like a really nice man and I'm sure he'll see where you are coming from. It's important that if you feel this strongly about it, that you talk to him about it so he can see that it's bothering you.
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby montrel68 » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:26 pm

Get your husband to tell the Big Brother program about it. If Nate's family is demanding more than was offered, they should have policies in place to handle the situation. If your husband won't do it, try doing it yourself.
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby garbhach65 » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:40 pm

Not a witch, but it rhymes with it.

Didn't read the book, btw.
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby werner72 » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:44 pm

Ask you husband who is becoming a liar of a lawyer...LOL
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby curadhan74 » Thu Dec 22, 2011 2:51 pm

Nope you aren't
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby ear » Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:00 pm

Nope not at all... They (nate and family) are taking total advantage of your husband... Your husband sees this and might be at his wits end too... I would just encourage your husband to do the once a month required appointment.. If nate and his family keep pestering you then your husband needs to stop seeing this family... I wouldn't like this either... sure I would feel bad BUT there has to be limits...
ear
 
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby talbot » Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:04 pm

Let your husband find his own way of moving on from this situation. Whether or not this kid is bipolar he still deserves a decent male role model. Go to the mom's fb page and block here, have hubby do the same. Too easy right? Tell hubby to silence phone at night and inform friends and family on his side what the situation is politely and let them know if there is an emergency to call your cell. There are ways to work around helping a dysfunctional family, but consider this kids role model at home. A woman trying to pawn her kids off on others on big holidays, this is the stem of where this kid learned right and wrong from. Your hubby is trying to help this kid and has been for over 2 years, you shouldn't try to make him stop, that fact that he says he'll stop if YOU want him too means he doesn't want to stop for himself. That shows his character and you should be grateful to know your hubby is a patient and giving man who supports the well being of the youth in his community.
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Am I being a heartless witch by asking my husband to do this?

Postby jarl » Thu Dec 22, 2011 3:13 pm

Hi. I've seen stuff like this before. You must not feel bad. Your husband needs to end this relationship. It's not helping and the mother sounds like a whack job infrared who does outrageous things when she cant use people. This family reminds Me of the family that used Michael Jackson. They abused him because he had a good heart. If he stays over there don't put it past this crazy woman to accuse your husband of being inappropriate. Just cut the ties. Let the center and her know you no longer wish to communicate. Your husband owes you an explanation and no one else. He can finish law school and use his education at that time to be generous. He's married now and this is just way too much. The only kids that should be interrupting your honeymoon phase or any you decide to have yourselves. You are not being a witch by wanting to have your husbands time and attention and frankly this situation is ehacky. Actually I think u should just ignore them. Or you send a letter through Facebook or email that you need to take a break from them...like forever.
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